The Only Thing To Fear Is Fear Itself, And, Uh, Maybe Bees

It is a single moment in time that all too often changes the world. It can be quiet or cataclysmic, profound or mundane, but our reaction to it determines our direction and builds a pathway into our future.That pathway may be completely separate from the actual event but will trace back to it somehow even though we may not know how. The event itself is less important but our reaction to it is key to our behavior and future self so responding in the best way seems obvious but is much harder than it seems. Frequently we choose to follow instinct rather than use instinct as the tool it was intended to be. One of the most common instincts is fear.

The Limbic System in the brain contains the Amygdala. This area acts like a filter for the stimuli that comes in and funnels the information to the appropriate bodily areas for response through aggression or fear. Anthropologists feel fear is the oldest emotional response that goes back to the evolutionary stages of man. Although the Neuroscience and Anthropology is interesting, the conclusions are a bit of a stretch and more importantly the learned behavioral actions of the process pay a much larger role. Two people can respond to the same stimuli differently. The patterns of behavior suggest that the how of fear is less important than the why. Some people fear heights and others do not, some fears snakes and others do not. The stimuli of the height or the snake are the same for both but the circumstances surrounding the why are different. Fear is the reaction to the stimuli due to the learned behavior of the past circumstances. It is not a genetic trait but moreover a physical tool. 

Fear is the catalyst for revolution in the moment of revelation. It is the cosmic “Oh Crud” factor. It is a biochemical response to external stimuli. We let it become a motivating factor in our decisions rather than use it to create better decision making. We fear the unseen rather than seeing what we should fear and avoiding it. We let it control us rather than using it as a tool to control our circumstances. 

Fear comes in all flavors but for conversation purposes can be broken down into a simple causal factor. Freud noticed the first instance of fear a person has is separation from their mother. I think he began to go pretty south after that point but realistically started with a key idea. Fear begins with the recognition of separation from something we want. The idea is simple, we understand loss and it sucks so we want to limit it as much as possible. The reaction to anticipated loss is fear. This manifests itself in all forms of loss. Whether it is loss of items, health, relationships, life, status, etc., the reaction to this anticipated loss is fear. In reality, if we had no concerns or problems with loss, we would never fear. 

The problem is no matter who we are, we will at some point in time, and some place experience loss. We cannot avoid it. Expecting that we accept the loss without regret or problem is unrealistic and frankly unhealthy. The real challenge is managing the tolerance for loss. How much do we fear things that really should be no concern and no long term value? If I am walking across the street and a bus comes at me at full speed, the anticipate loss of health and or life should cause me to get out of the street and protect myself. However if the news tells me that a major earthquake is anticipated in the future but that could mean days, weeks, years, decades, or centuries away, should that really cause fear? The anticipation of loss should be negligible and not something I need to plan for. The specifics of circumstances are less relevant than the perspective. Are we really willing to allow the anticipation of possibilities to control our actions.

The fear itself should be healthy and protective but the reaction to it can be and usually is unhealthy and in some cases can be deadly. The irony is that the reaction to fear can cause worse problems than the loss or separation that is feared. If a person overeats or smokes due to anxiety and fear, the physical problems will be much worse than anything they fear. In order to be healthy, we need to control the response to the stimuli causing the fear. 

What is the value of protecting a dollar and losing a thousand? What is the value of protecting a moment in a relationship but losing the relationship? How can we get to the place where fear is managed like the tool it is? Simple really, we need to stop worrying about the loss and accept it as part of life. This includes appreciating the things we have while we have them. The list of items we own is worthless if we do not have time to appreciate them. The amount of money in the bank is worthless if all it does is make money for the bank. The number of friends we have is meaningless if the relationships are founded on shallow purposes. The need to accumulate spawns the need to protect and the desire to fear. 

If we control our expectations by appreciating what we have while we have it then losing it will only be a step in a new direction. Fearing the loss will be meaningless if the loss is understood as part of the journey and the lack of fear will give us the ability to appreciate it all the more. The apparent circuity makes far more sense than we want it to. The only thing it depends on is our willingness to let go. 

 

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Is Evidence Understood Enough Evidence To Believe

At one time the world was flat or at least that is what people believed. There was plenty of evidence for them to believe it as the scientists of their time told them so. But then more evidence was found to suggest and later prove it wasn’t flat. It was argued against, disbelieved, mistrusted, and then accepted. A simple shift caused the most prominent and intelligent to become the most ignorant.

So when is evidence understood enough evidence to believe? Where is the point we reach that moves items from the gentle musing stage to part of our own dogma. What is the event that we come to that tells us that we now accept and believe an item as fact. Is it more or less determined by the information or how we perceive the information?

Evidence comes with many definitions. Scientific evidence follows the pattern of the scientific method whereby a hypothesis is turned into theory and then tested and repeated to establish a pattern that is then fact. Legal evidence follows a standard set by the court to present findings that all parties agree follows those standards and thereby becomes evidence or facts in a case. There is also anecdotal evidence whereby people see a small set of realities and extrapolate them into the larger realm. This on a larger scale becomes statistical evidence where the numbers or incidences increase to be judged against the number of non incidents. But where does evidence develop to the point it should be seen as fact?

We use facts to do everything from develop technology, create medicine, determine justice, and fuel religion. Each of the areas however use a different understanding of acceptable error within those facts. But does an acceptable error ratio create fact? If I am taking medicine that cures 99.99% of the people who take it and the option to not take it means I will remain sick, then the error ratio is worth the risk. If it is fatal in the .01% that becomes less worth the risk. If there is other ways to cure with less risk, then I might choose those methods. But in reality, acceptable error ratios in facts or evidence do not give assurances. There is always a risk of being wrong so why would we accept evidence to believe in something like God?

Religion is based upon a choice to follow a god. Christianity is based upon the choice to follow the God YHWH through his son Jesus Christ. He is the supreme almighty God who created all things. I have no evidence for this. I was not there and can not attest in court. I do not have an experiment that can be repeated and confirm. I can not point to instances of God’s interaction in this world and claim that as enough evidence to support my belief. If there was, then we would have verifiable proof and nothing to believe in. If there is videotape of me running a mud run or skydiving, or something extreme, then there is no need for someone to believe I did them. They can verify it themselves and have no need to accept the responsibility of belief.

We wish to find evidence to prove because we are afraid of the responsibility of belief. We do not want to be wrong, and if we are, we want to point that blame at something or someone else. That misses the whole point of belief. If we need evidence, we don’t believe, we affirm. Affirmation is provided by an equal or third party judge. God is not interested in us affirming him, he wants us to believe and take actions based upon that. That is faith. I have chosen to direct my life with full knowledge of sacrifices I am making because of my belief in God. If I only make sacrifices that I know will work to benefit me because I have seen it happen before, how is that true belief? The Israelites understood God brought them out of Egypt and showed them evidence of his power regularly yet they still chose to not believe and because of that went against his laws. I think we follow that far to often.

In reality, all of our actions are based upon our beliefs. Either we believe we have acquired enough evidence to support our actions or we believe in something outside of our understanding. If we believe in evidence, we are looking to blame the evidence if we wrong. If we believe in something outside of ourselves, we take the responsibility for those actions but also the freedom that comes with it. I choose belief.

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Blame Is A Four Letter Word

One of my guilty pleasures is a film called Mystery Men. It is about a group of misfits trying to be superheroes. I could bend words and views and try to find some deep philosophical reasons for it but there really isn’t one, it is just fun. Any movie that has a man dressed in his mothers drapes throwing silverware at bad guys limits itself greatly on the philosophical front. With that said it does offer an unintended truth about society in its subtext. The group goes to a pacifist weapons expert for help. He shows them his storehouse of non violent weapons and one of the most powerful is the Blame Thrower. It causes people to uncontrollably blame others for everything that goes wrong rather than accept responsibility for there own faults. It was a brilliant idea that focused everyone on others and away from themselves eventually causing nothing but fighting and worthless bickering.

Blame is a vile and contemptible beast that we let into our homes on a regular basis. We feed it and groom it to try and make it healthy and remove the stench but no matter how hard we try, it festers and spreads rot through anything it touches. It is utterly useless and yet we bring it out so often it becomes our go to tool. It becomes easier and easier the more we use it. It is the weapon of choice yet proves the one who yields it is missing the very thing needed to hold a weapon, discipline.

We blame the government for the condition of the country and yet don’t actively interact with our political leaders or even vote for real change. We blame the church for the evils it has done for trying to control and contain our lives rather than actually understanding the truth it offers and deciding if we want to be part of it. We blame religious leaders for the hypocrisy in their lives without addressing the hypocrisy in our own. We blame our parents for not giving us what we needed rather than looking at what we need as really what we want. We blame ourselves for what we see rather than accepting ourselves for who we are and changing what we don’t like. We use blame as a four letter word. We need change, not blame.

The desire is to create a false equality in ability so we can effectively blame another for not doing it our way. This is the beginning of the problem. I do not like everything Obama does. I can guarantee that if I were given all the information he has I would not answer the exact same way he does because I am a different person. But I don’t have all the information he does so claiming my answers are right and his wrong is ludicrous. I do not agree with everything the Pope says. I do think my background and training are enough to argue my points against his. I am pretty sure though that he has done a lot of work and study to reach his conclusions so discounting them and blaming him for the current condition of the Church is disrespectful and hubris unless I am able to interact with him and sway him to my view. This is hard work though and most blamers will no want to put the time in to do that because it is easier to sit on the sidelines and complain. Sitting on the fence is the best place to throw rocks at both sides but in order to balance, it does require a fence plank be lodged in a very uncomfortable place. 

Truth is not an abstract concept that changes. It can not, if it did, it would no longer be true. It is not malleable and formed by perspective. It is not yours for your view and mine for mine. It is the standard that all things are judged by. No matter how much this is distasteful at times, it is still fact. It can be concealed however. If we do not recognize that, we will be left with false comparisons and false dichotomies. No matter how eloquent we speak, without knowledge equal to another persons on a given subject, we can not speak in the same light as them and if we have that knowledge, we should still only speak with love and respect. Blame never reaches those areas. 

If our desire is to merely stir the pot and cause more problems, blame is a real good tool. If we really care however and want to help fix the problems, blaming people merely makes us a tool. It is certainly easier to say no one has a handle on truth, religion is wrong, things change, so just sit back and relax. We can blame everyone who disagrees and brand them haters and intolerant. That is the surest way however to find destruction. Each person has value from where they come from. Missing that because we are too busy to look is a fast way to a bad end.  

Blame is a worthless endeavor and better off forgotten. I hold to the old Japanese proverb. Fix the problem, not the blame.

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I Am Sorry But I May Have Had To Much To Think

I Am Sorry But I May Have Had To Much To Think.

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I Am Sorry But I May Have Had To Much To Think

When I was much younger I knew it all, or at least I thought I did. I took all the classes and read all the books I needed to form the most infamous weapon ever to be used against mankind, the opinion. It was like a logic puzzle, all I had to do was find the right ways to shape the right scriptures and support the right views to make myself feel right (read superior). There wasn’t a subject I wouldn’t tackle because I had all the information I needed in the bible. It was simply a matter of how I used it. I cant claim I was alone in doing this or even that I was the best. I was taught well by many before me but I was quite good at it. If an argument against God came my way it had to go through both barrels of my baseball bat theology (I know I mixed my metaphors but it made about as much sense and some of the arguments I would use). It is almost as if the book itself was a cacophony of magic spells that I just needed to decipher to defeat evil (read anyone who disagreed with me). The world was my battleground and all who disagreed with my God were my target, and frankly my soul has been paying the toll ever since. 

This was how “witnessing” was taught and this is why it has become malodorous in today’s world. I am not owning that responsibility but I certainly played my role. So many years later and many miles wiser (hopefully) I am sickened when I see my younger self in people today. How can we ever believe we are honoring the Creator of the universe by dishonoring his creations so entirely? A persons voice or view is an extension of who they are. It may be right at times and wrong at times and somewhere in between at times but it is always part of who they are. Dishonoring that dishonors God.

This happened within the church as well as without and still happens unfortunately. It seems like the epitome of Christian growth is the ability to understand (read control) the text. That then leads to instructing (read control) others within the church body and directing (read control) the church body and where it focuses its attention. All of this happens under the umbrella of being lead by the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately I have heard far too many things that he would he not take credit for and he shouldn’t be blamed for either.  

The real problem is not so much that this makes us look like arrogant fools (which many times we deserve) but also effectively removes the ability to speak cogently on issues that are truly facing the world. Here is a perfect case in point. Ellen Page recently came out of the closet and announced to the world that she is gay. This brought almost immediate support from many celebrities and thankfully Christian groups have not said anything stupid yet. Here however is the concern. I watched her speech and was genuinely moved by her view and experience when dealing with gender and role expectations and the hypocrisy and atrocities associated with that. Of which the church has historically been part of and I feel the issues she raised are large value points we should address. She said “If we could take just 5 minutes to recognize each others beauty instead of attacking each other for our difference…..ultimately it would save lives”. I think that is brilliant and something the church should spearhead instead of attack. At the same time I couldn’t care less what gender Ellen Page wants to have sex with or couple with. I was never on the short list for that role so my opinion on the fact is irrelevant. (Ellen, if I was and I missed your calls, I have really screwed the pooch on this and am sorry) As a matter of fact, I don’t think anyones opinion on that is relevant beyond her and her partner. I think that this personal choice of hers should be private and not something that should be seen as a badge of courage for proclaiming. Why does sexual choice have anything to do with human rights. The two things are not linked unless we make them so. 

Christians however have almost lost the ability to speak on this because we have been the major voice in linking these things. We have abused human rights because of our opinions and now we are seen as the villains instead of the voice of reason. People are far less willing to listen to a view if they don’t understand we respect them for listening and see the beauty in them that God created. Why do we think so negatively about people when God spent so much effort building them for positive things?

If we do not change out tactics, our message is going to be heard less and less and eventually maybe not at all. I am not a pessimist who believes the church will cease to exist, but I do think we are in danger of ceasing to be relevant on the most important topic ever. God loves us and wants us in relationship with him. How can we ever believe that any other message could be more important than that?

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Why Not Hate?

I saw an article about the Coca Cola add aired during the Super Bowl. It discussed how upset people were because it portrayed a representation of America as a multi cultural entity and summed it up by singing America the Beautiful in multiple languages. Honestly it did not decrease my estimation of that company much. Whether the message that it delivered was appropriate/accurate or not was not really Coca Cola’s concern. They just wanted to sell Coke to whoever would buy it. They have been contributing to obesity, diabetes, and who knows what else for so long that in comparison, this is minor. What struck me more was the hate speak that I saw in reaction to it. Many people commented on either side about how much the other side was wrong in a variety of hateful terms. Whether the goal was humor or angst, it was still fueled by hate. So is the real message that typifies our world that it is okay to hate in response to mistakes?

Christian Music singer Natalie Grant was nominated for two Grammy awards this year. She left the event early for personal reasons she did not clearly state. She alluded to not being comfortable with the event. My cynical side immediately has to question her for going in the first place. Did she not know ahead of time what music would be performed and the secular views that would be promoted? It is a secular event. Should we expect people who are not Christian to act Christian? With that said, the responses to her departure sparked nothing short of hate. They accused her of being homophobic, hate filled, and basically stupid for serving an ignorant and prejudicial God. Really? Hate speak is still hate speak even if you are claiming others have done something wrong. I don’t agree with her decision to leave and feel that God could have been glorified even more if she had stayed, but she never truly said why she left. The message to her was you are welcome here as long as you agree with us, or the fans will hate you. Once again, are we saying the choice to hate is okay if it is in response to mistakes?

Kirk Cameron assaulted the Grammy Awards on Facebook for what he called an “all out assault on the traditional family”. He then made reference to lines of separation and that the current world is not one he would want to have his kids grow up in. Responses came back negative and unkind at best. He then plugged his new movie and later deleted his post. I have to admit I am less than thrilled with his voice and feel that he should stand more for God and less for his personal ideals. Choosing to use a public event for self promotion may be effective but it is cheesy at best and in this case uneducated and irresponsible. With that said, nothing he said warrants hate. Are we really pushing a message that says it is ok to respond in hate if we just disagree with an opinion?

Katy Perry performed at that show and provided what she referred to as a spooky themed performance. Others made reference to it being satanic in nature and called her everything from a whore to a fool. Really? The performance was milder than many houses in my neighborhood during halloween. If it offends you, turn the station. A single button push will fix the problem. She was trying to make waves to sell music. Get over it and stop fanning the flames. That is what is done these days, it is not new. Are we really pushing a message that says it is ok to respond in hate if we just disagree with a performance? Are we really responding with hate and thinking that somehow this glorifies God?

When did hate become our go to tool? Is it just because our arguments are too weak to stand and need the extra fuel? I have heard hate from both sides on many issues and frankly, I should not be surprised when it comes from the secular world, not because they are bad people but because the bible clearly tells me to expect it. I should be very surprised however when it comes from the Christian world. For them, that is sin and contrary to Christ. The part that is honestly more distressing is that is shuts down our ability to be heard. I have never been a Katy Perry fan, her music is just not my thing. But to treat her or anyone else with anything less than human respect and the love that God intended is criminal.

If our eyes are filled with hate, how will we ever see where we are going. Why do we think we have that right? If we are so offended by a persons views that we feel hate, maybe the problem is with us. Wait, no, that is wrong. There is no maybe. The problem is with us. If hate is our response, we should lose the right to respond. If we can not disagree with each other without hating each other, we should probably stop speaking all together.

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Broken Code

I have spent many years working in technology on a team delivering software systems. I am not a coder but have developed a large amount of respect for them over the years. The focus and energy it takes to translate systematic requirements into binary statements that integrate into other chunks of binary statements and deliver an overall whole is impressive. Part of the reason is that even the smallest error or miss directed code jeopardizes the overall project. The devil is in the details so to speak. It does not have to be a critical fault or even an errantly written syntax; there are programs that check for those things. It just has to be something that veers off from the goal of the project to sink the whole thing. It is not even that the program wont function, it will just not be able to ever reach the potential that it was created for.

I cant help but see the similarity in the world today. We seem to be living a dream that says somehow we will be able to master our circumstances and achieve success. Confucius said “The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” The Dalai Lama said “With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” Pope John XXIII said “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” These people are just icons of this overall thought process and have many counterparts. The problem is that their direction is as wrong as it is right. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that there is no value in their wisdom. I am saying we need to be careful not to think that this will fix the world. It won’t. It can’t.

The problem is in the code. In the deepest structures of our soul we have a binary device that gives us the ability to choose right or wrong. The choices are not predetermined, they are left up to us. That is the bad code as essentially we are able to rewrite the code daily and even wipe out all existing code, barring consequences, up to but not including that initial line that gives us the ability to choose wrong. No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, we will never wipe out the ability to choose incorrectly. This is what prevents us from being able to reach our utmost potential. Without that, we will never truly solve problems or eradicate evil in this world. Simply put, we cant because we will always have the ability to choose it. This is pandemic at the largest scale. It is not a few bad seeds but basically bad code in all.

We need to re-adjust our thinking in order to address this and stop proliferating the hollow ideal that says we can rise above it. We are breeding a problem by preaching two sides of this coin. We either preach that you are bad and will be punished by a God who is out to get you or we preach a false sense of security in that if you try hard enough you will finally after great patience and struggle reach a state of set actualization that will afford you true peace and happiness. I realize there are many other philosophical views on life but they seem to either broach off of or are summed up in these archetypes. Both however are wrong.

If we keep reproducing the same ideas without addressing the root cause we will never reach our intended and true potential. We can choose to blame God for instilling the bad code if we wish. There is a flaw in that as well. It presupposes that the code is bad because of the programmer and not the choices of the program. In other words if we always answered by choosing right, we would be able to reach God on our own. Again, the devil is in the details. We would be able to reach our human potential, but that does not mean we would attain or reach godliness. We would simply be fully productive humans or in other words, machines. God is what makes the machine human. God is the one who brings value to the potential. God is the one who brings reality to the dream. God is the one who takes that bad code and corrects it by forgiving the wrong choices and rebooting the program. God is the one who takes what is wrong and makes it right. God is the one who brings relationship to existence. God is the one who makes true potential occur. God is the one who takes bad code and makes it a son.

Without understanding the true expectations of the program, we will never be able to correct the bad code to reach what the program was intended to do.

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Positive Energy Is To Prayer Like Justin Bieber Is To A Good Example

There are moments in life that all people reach where homage is paid to Murphy and we realize the fit has hit the shan. These times are unavoidable and although circumstances may be different, the idea of human frailty is so ingrained in humanity it will probably be found in the genome mapping one day. Whether or not the circumstances are our fault, bad things happen to everyone. Whether we attribute them to random chance, Darwinism, a maniacal deity, or a mischievous embodiment of destiny, they happen to everyone. When they happen, we reach out to those around us for help.

A popular response in modern Christendom to seeing someone in these types of circumstances is to tell them “I will pray for you”.  This statement of good intention is meant to offer emotional support and provide hope. Admittedly, it is problematic. There are several factors that determine its value. Will the person actually pray? It is easy to feel for someone when they are in pain but too often Christians will say this and not do it. Simply put, this is repugnant. If you say it, do it. If we do pray then, are we praying for what we should? If we are just throwing it into our prayers as an afterthought and telling God to “fix it”, maybe we should reconsider what we are doing. If we are presenting the idea that prayer is something that brings attention to God about something he missed, we are misleading people and devaluing God. There is a huge responsibility people are taking on when they say this; if we do a poor job we are responsible to God for that.

 With that said, I wonder about other things I hear when these circumstances occur. A popular counter from outside of modern Christendom is to offer positive thoughts and energy. Ok, I get it that our PC world is avoiding the concept of prayer and some people would truly not appreciate being told or even asking for prayer. I respect that. But what is the value of positive thoughts and energy? What does that even look like? A person sits in their home and thinks about positive things and a person in trouble at the same time? I get the idea that positive outlook and lessoned stress on a person who is ill is healing in many ways. I get offering to help that by not loading stress on them and helping remove stress from them. But how does that relate to “sending positive thoughts”? “Hey, I just sent a thought mail of a picture of a puppy”. I am not trying to be overly sarcastic, but saying this because we feel helpless is worthless and misleading. How does positive energy work? What does that do for a person? We are concerned that mentioning prayer and God is bad but we feel that bringing up the concept of a universal tank of positive energy that we can psychically link to and make deposits for others makes sense? Isn’t that how Tinker Bell was saved in Peter Pan?

When I pray for a person, I am connecting with the creator of the universe and specifically asking him to change the physical nature of the universe for somebody else’s well being. I am telling him I care enough about of the person who I am praying for to want God to intervene and I am doing the best I can possibly do for that person by doing this. It is a very real action. If a person does not believe in that or want that, I respect it but that does not change the reality of what I am doing. Offering someone positive thoughts does nothing regardless of the intentions of the person.

How is stating something that makes no sense better than telling a person you care enough about them to offer them hope. If a Hindu offered to pray from me I would not be offended. I do not believe that Vishnu will fix the problem but I understand that that person was offering the best they could for my bad circumstances. If we are unwilling to accept or offer prayers due to person beliefs, we are telling the people who offer them or need them we care more about our sensibilities than their concerns.

Regardless of personal beliefs, positive energy is like offering a person who is bleeding a happy word rather than a band aid.

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Are You Making The Most Out Of What Makes You

I recently submitted an article for consideration in a Christian Magazine. The submission guidelines advised to send a short bio telling them who I am. I started jotting down a few things and had more difficulty doing it than I thought I should. I first listed the things I thought were valuable such as accomplishments, degrees, experience, etc. As I was doing this I had to question, “Do these things really described who I am?” Are the awards on the wall or the accolades of admirers really the things that describe who we are?

In ancient Rome, friendship had a different meaning than it does today. People saw others as either above them in social status or below them in social status. Friendship was based upon how close that status was and whether both parties agreed upon the statuses. Status was everything. The higher ranked status would provide services or money to the lower ranks and the lower ranks would provide services to the upper ranks. Even the poor had service to offer for the money the wealthy would provide them. They would cry at their funeral. The more money given the louder they would cry.

This is so foreign to our culture it almost sounds funny but I have to think that we may not be all that different. We may have simply changed the roles a little. Rather than developing formal patron/client relationships, we informally set expectations on each other based upon our relationships. We rely on each other for social acceptance, support, and friendship. We develop these relationships on how much value we place on knowing the other person. The sad part about this is that knowing this, we end up accentuating the parts that make us more attractive and devaluing the parts that society deems less attractive. This creates almost an inbreeding of ideas and moves some valuable traits into oblivion.

How about we stop the cycle? We cannot do anything about how other people value us. But why should we change ourselves to fit the known models of attractiveness? I am not talking about refusal to change our appearance because we want to. I am talking about refusing to change our appearance because somebody else wants us to. But that is not as easy as it sounds because those lines blur quickly.

What makes us valuable is not what other people value. It is not even really what we think we value as we have been affected by our societies teachings. It is much deeper than that and it is what defines who we really are. To understand this, I offer the following questions.

  1. Do you think that the accomplishment of a goal is more valuable than the journey to get there?
  2. Does other people’s opinion shape your direction?
  3. Do you truly appreciate each breath you take as the gift it is?
  4. Do you see others as a means to an end or as partners on the way?
  5. Do you find joy in the experiences of each moment or does it take specific things to provide fulfillment? What are they?
  6. Are you willing to change your direction if the goal you seek is not what you thought?
  7. Does the definition of beauty come from what you feel or what you see?
  8. Is there room to grow?

There really isn’t a right or wrong answer to these questions. They are designed to reveal fundamental elements about character. Character is what truly defines us. Maybe before we do a physical makeover we should first consider a character makeover.

Every breath is a moment of life that cannot be repeated or restored. Every hour wasted on somebody else’s values is slavery for that hour. If we allow those things to cause us to act, we are no better than taking up space. You are better than that. We are better than that. We were given the most important and priceless gift in existence from God himself. We were given the freedom to choose.

We have value because of that. Our choices on how we use that create our character. The God of creation, who decided what color each leaf will change to and from, also built the framework inside of us that gives us the ability to define our likes and dislikes. Whether we are choosing a flavor of ice cream or whether we want to paint or write poetry, it is all because of his gift. Believing ourselves to be of so little value that we let other people choose for us misses the opportunity to understand the creator a little bit and also to let the world see our talents.

Write your own bio each day by choosing what you are each day. Make it show your true character so people can see the real you. Don’t hear the words of others and make them your own if they do not fit you. Make your voice the voice that represents you and not somebody else’s voice inside you. Let the creativity of character do what it was supposed to do and show the beauty and glory of God.

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Not With A Bang, But With An Entitled Whimper

I was in a Del Taco several years ago and saw an elderly woman at the counter ordering food. As I got in line I overheard the conversation with the clerk. There was something the clerk had missed in the order and the elderly woman was going over the order again however she was becoming very frustrated because of the mistake. The clerk repeated the order back and the woman stopped her abruptly at the missed item and said “No, I wanted two burritos and four tacos. Don’t argue with me. I have been ordering Mexican food since before you were born!”

This somewhat comical statement brought out a sad notion in our world today. There is a not so subtle intrinsic belief that “We are right and everything else is wrong”. Our justification of this stems from a philosophically flawed argument that truth in and of itself is a variable. If we can redefine truth, we will always have truth on our side. This provides the ability for even opposing views to both be seen as right. The flaw is simple; one cannot equal two no matter how much we wish it so. At some level there needs to be absolute truth to act as the baseline. Rather than risk the chance of being called wrong by comparison to that baseline, many people choose to accept the argument without addressing the flaw. This breeds the larger problem of feeling we are right and thereby continues the birthing process to an even larger danger for the world. That danger is “Entitlement”.

I have the right! I am empowered. I am strong! I am able to make my own decisions! These phrases sound similar to those coming from a four year old at bedtime as well those coming from some four year college campuses. Even if we are right, empowered, strong, and capable, we are not inherently entitled. The ability to do something does not give us the right to do it, especially when it is regarding something that is truly a privilege.  But that is not what society teaches. As we crawled from the primordial ooze we somehow pulled ourselves up and caused our own evolution and are better for it, we came out of the cave and foraged through the muck of responsibilities and reached a self centered conclusion that somehow privilege is actually a right.

On New Year’s Eve, a lesser known actress became a better known actress. Natasha Leggero made a poorly chosen comment stemming from a poorly worded Campbell’s Spaghettios add via Twitter. Campbell’s add appeared to make light of the invasion of Pearl Harbor. They responded with an apology almost immediately. Leggero’s comment made fun of the veterans of that day and their age. It was in extremely poor taste, poorly timed, and something that was very disrespectful to the veterans that survived that day. Since that comment her celebrity status has increased mainly due to the amount of hateful responses. I read through several responses on a website and they ranged from death threats to pornographic projection mostly centered on vulgar statements about her lack of intelligence. Her view is that she was entitled to make the comment. The responders view is that they are entitled to their hate speak. The reality is that they are both wrong and both filled with the fallacy of entitlement.

There is a moral grey line in comedy that sits between acceptable and offensive. Comedians push the limits of that regularly to gain fans. The morality of it cannot be defined here but the question of whether it is a privilege or a right can be. Legally we may have the right to say something but do we morally have that right? Does it make it okay just because we declare ourselves entitled? Where is the line between right and responsibility? Is it acceptable to offend or hurt others so we can feel better about ourselves or for that matter make money just because our current understanding of the first amendment says it is legal? Her comment was intended to be funny. It was not and it came across as mean spirited. It would be similar to joking about a lung cancer patient having problems breathing. The responses to it however were horrific. People were alluding to her death and desires to rape her. They were offended or hurt by her comments so they felt entitled to offend and hurt her. Where is the reality check here? Have we raised the level of entitlement so high that a person with a computer and an internet access now has the right to profess ideas that should never be thought because they were able to sign on? Where does it end?

If people go through their lives absorbing the problems around them and not finding true resolution, there will always be a time where they are fed up and feel entitled to their moment. It may manifest itself in disrespectful comments to a psychologically damaged internet posts in response or even to a woman screaming about ordering tacos. If we do not realize that life is a privilege and not a right, and that we are responsible for our choices, and that the only way to fix bad ones is to actually fix the problem and not the blame, we will never find peace. Settling for approximations of peace and holding tight to our legal rights is a good way to a bad end.

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